Over the years, like most people, I have had my moments of sadness when all I can do is cry. Literally balling my eyes out feeling sick kind of cry, you know the type.
I truly believe that crying is a way of releasing negative energy and a step towards letting go of things grinding you down.
So why is it that I find it so difficult to let go and release the pent-up negative energy I feel inside me now?
Last year I opened up to Madeleine Black (author of Unbroken) about being sexually assaulted when I was 8 years old. In August last year I started seeing a Rape Crisis therapist and I continue to do so. Over the seven months more memories of additional sexual assaults by different people have come back. I have walked past and seen people who have carried out these assaults, had nightmares and thought about how I could take my life.
Yet despite all of this and much more I cannot seem to let go and cry. I feel like crying but won’t release it. I know why!
I fear not being able to stop crying and having a break down. So, it is safer to hold it in.
Surely opening up and talking about the incidents, amongst other things, to Rape Crisis is help enough!?! Or do I need to let it all out?
One day I may do that. Right now, however much I feel like crying I don’t feel ready to let go.
Writing this has made me think! I’m not the only person that does this, that I am sure of.
- Why do so many of us bottle things up and cause ourselves more distress in the long run?
- Is showing our true feelings that much of a taboo? If so, why?
- Are we too afraid that people won’t understand?
- Are we too scared and ashamed to talk about the things getting us down?
What can we do to change this?
I live alone and have plenty of time when I can let go. So, I am the only person stopping myself from doing this.
I believe that once I trust myself and understand that I am actually a strong person I will then allow myself the freedom to let go.
What do you think would help you let go?
Feel free to write your comments below.